Dream peddler

In here you wish to fight, you win,

My window to my world, stuck in those starry eyes,

My window to my world, getting larger by the day,

A little rain, a little sunshine, a little to the east it lay!

A little bit of the meadow, a patch of the sky,

Faces, religions, colors, emotions, a handmade bonsai!

My window to my world, a blue house behind the trees,

Creeping bougainvillea wheezing with the breeze!

A little night, a little autumn, a little frame it held,

Somebody’s been crying in the blue house as the night rebelled!

My window to my world, where you see what you wish,

A little compassion, a little bit of courage, but a little selfish,

As I cling to this beautiful squared world, the twilight turns godless,

The marine drive, the Kerala sky, and those sweet rubbing noses!

My window to my world, knows no confines,

No vices, no virtues, no fading smiles, no desires,

Ready to look beyond, to search for that love long due!

In here you wish to have, you sin!

Peeping sunshine, flickering stars, and early goodbyes!

A touch – a shiver – of heaving breaths – of dripping water – along the bare skin – a whisper – unreadable – a pleasure – of unspoken words – of a silence that speaks – a love bite – butterfly wings; fluttering - the unseen reds – of a kiss - of curled up emotions – into the wilderness – a beckoning green – a tear – out of the corner of her left eye – a thought never spoken – but understood – a confrontation – a compromise – a hangover - called life!            

In the backwaters of life, of marinated love!

WHEN YOU THINK IT’S ALL OVER, IT HAS ONLY BEGUN!

I want to be the hero’s only chance. The hero that’s just so sublime, within me. I want that hero to have no choice, but only ONE fixed destiny, take it or perish in its quest. On a lonely November midnight, I let the full moon burn, to burst into flames, in a vain attempt of a resurrection. A moment of glory has been my survival instinct till now. I yearned for that silence that none has heard till now. I have desired the undesired, but is it the undesirable?      

What is life? – Life is water.

What is the motive of life? – To quench the thirst.

Why are we alive? – To drink this water.

Acceptance,

The universality of my choice,

A-make-believe reality called life.

My memories never cease to amaze me, of how they swarm in at the moments I expect them the least. Unexpected guests they are, but they start concurring your thoughts you hardly mind their invisible presence. A plaything of the sub conscious, the devil’s desire, the stub of all evolution; mental.

The back face - doppelganger, an alter ego, in its purest form. This alter ego, as it is, I wonder at times if its there for a reason,

Following me,

Stalking me,

Confusing me,

It makes me realize my drive, reinforces that point, that promise I made to myself. It reinstates that freedom that I have now, always existed in the school books. A something is should strive for, even though I understood it long back. It makes me realize that my reason is more important than the I. but ultimately when I stare at the blackness of the night sky, devoid of all those once glittering stars, I see nothing but nothing.

Feeling detached,

Feeling alleviated,

Feeling an existential crisis,

I always believed there is something about nothing. Otherwise why should we feel so calm when we look at nothing? Why do we fear nothing, if there really wasn’t anything? Isn’t it strange that we urge to merge into the nothingness, to let go this mundane, materialistic dream. May be an interview with this brand name Nothing can clear something.

Intoxicating,

Beautifying,

To think about nothing – how difficult is it?

My memories – this nothing. Sometimes it evolves into a mere egoistic dot in this certain timeline that I think I exist. Sometimes it makes a something of the nothingness in me. It can achieve something. It teaches me to pretend. Beyond all aspects it tells me not to be me. Nothing has something in it. But is the reverse true? Can something metamorphose into nothing? It tells me to do this exact thing. To keep your emotions to yourself.

Also at: http://sauvik.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/08/nothing-really.htm

“The torn pages… of a diary make me the feel the way to neverland… the land of angelic love, no hearts broken, no tears shed, no emotions subdued. That beam to happiness that you would come to me and embrace me, with all the warmth in you. And I would lose my soul in that queen of all emotions. The king who had accepted his defeat.”

 Every breath I take, I smell new life, closer, more closer, that would make you twitch in warmth of it. The whirlwind that love can create is immense. It can flow through my heart, upturning every reason, every rational emotion of mine. The dusts of haziness would sink my consciousness in a quicksand of time. Time? Time would stand still. Every move I make, I smell the fragrance of cosmic happiness. The happiness that leads up to a space in time that, I would never find a way out of it. It always gave me a reason. A reason to love you more…

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“Remember when I first met you? I really don’t remember, but the torn page does. Seems like it’s been ages that we didn’t sand walk, down the soft sands of memory. Our footsteps had been washes away.”

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The black of your eyes, as I look deep in you, I put my faith in those blacks. And suddenly I am lost, but that black doesn’t look sad. As if its wrap around the pains of time. I feel the black as the invisibility cloak that hides me from all my insecurities. And suddenly the black would burst into the flames of spring. I roam mid ocean, the cosmic feelings. And slowly it zooms in; the black gradually turns into grey. Grey to white. The peace in your eyes. The eternal spring. The spring that would never have its fall. It always gave me a reason. A reason to love you more… a reason to start over new.

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“Remember when I first kissed you? You really didn’t have a clue how the world turned upside down. I hardly remember, but the torn page does. Seems like ages that romancing of the moon has been over, in that cold wintry night, pampered by love. “

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The red of your lips showed me the twilight to my dreams. That yes, a day has ended. Its time to turn my back to reality. The red is fading. But there’s always the space to run my imaginations high and dry. A rose, is all I see, I miss the thorn in it. The wetness in the petals of it. The freshness in every subtle breath it takes. I could almost feel the whisperings of the rose. And I give the rose a love bite, and it curls up its petals deep down as if moving away from me. But yet it opens up, and shows the radiance that it hid from the world all these days. The bloom. The rise of love. The loss in love and finding love once more, although it has every thorn in it. It always gives me a reason. A reason to love you more… a reason to reincarnate.

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“Remember when you told me “every rose has thorn”, I denied looking into the pains. I can’t remember them but the torn page does. It seems ages that we looked into eyes. That shine of that crazy diamond isn’t there.”

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The black of your hairs, makes me see the dark monsoon clouds hanging precariously over the sad sky. But I see the sliver lining of the darkness. The silver that’s streaking across the cracks of the grey clouds. I see at as a stint of sunshine, and as I bask of that little sunshine streak, I see that the sunshine’s turned into love. A love bath in your arms. As I bury my face in the waters of that sunshine, I feel the beads of pearls shed from your eyes, turn into dewdrops, at the edge of the green grass. I wonder why I went in search for a neverland far away, when it’s just a happiness far. I stayed there, stood still, for the fear of losing that sunshine that imbibed life in me. . It always gives me a reason. A reason to love you more… so that I find happiness in bliss.

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“Remember when I saw you, in a new life, you told me to forget the past. I laughed at you. Sarcasm is one the best services that I offer. I laughed at you because you never knew what love is? Because you never understood pains of happiness in love. Because you hardly tread into the hard path of love. I laughed at you because you never knew how reality differed from illusions.”

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“I always told you I loved to move on in life. I don’t turn life back to look back. Oh!! How I lied you. I laugh at you because you believed in this age old trick.”