Dream peddler

What i know, the world spins over.

What i see, the shadow in the lover.

The shadow in the lover;

The darkness forever.

The smoke in the fire;

The soul in the pyre.

The twinkle in the eye;

The dead star in the sky.

What i hear, the silence of the night.

What i feel, the chill in the plight.

The chill in the plight;

The blindness in the sight.

The hour in need;

The wizards of weed;

The puff of life;

The jab of the knife.

What i care, the world cares not.

What i love, the world loves not.

The alice of my school;

Queen of hearts who rule.

The shape of ma’ heart;

The love in the tart.

The picture in ma’ mind;

A grain in the grind!!!

Imagine…

                                    Imagine there’s a story;

                                    Imagine there are two lives..

                                    Imagine the lives never met!

                                    Imagine the beginning and the end;

                                    Imagine one life and a death..

                                    Imagine the life which never was!

                                    Imagine the sunset and the twilight;

                                    Imagine an emotion and a fool..

                                    Imagine the emotion that never rose!

                                    Imagine the poem and a thought;

                                    Imagine a million verses and a woman..

                                    Imagine the woman who never was!!!!

                                    “Imagine” is so strong a word…it can wake the dead!!

I would never know what I desired for,

I would love to get into your dreams, and lie there…till eternity;

I have no soul, no heart, just a wealth of flesh,

I have dreams, infinite, but alas, they are all half filled!

At times, when in despair I look down, my sunshine days,

I do not remember why I came here, I feel the snake bite, searing my veins;

The thoughts are angelic; I see that dreaded smile of my dreams,

I roam mid ocean, my dreams flee from me, a heartless soul, in the midst of Africa!

What are dreams I do not know, I know not what I am,

Dreams, reality, illusions, hallucinations, all seems distances apart;

The music forces the consciences off; I stab myself for that ethereal search of happiness,

I cried, I laughed, I cursed the world for that unreal reality to come and embrace me!

But destiny had other plans, to which I feared to tread on, lest I ignite the devil in me,

I still walk alone, in this crooked road of life, for a whisk of fresh, spring air;

And all I get is, the scent of the fall, a mirage, a hallucination, a dream which I can’t possibly ever have,

And I sink into the seventh heaven, with your damn memories!!

I wondered how time flows, and how memories flowed, all in different directions,

I want to go on with time, but somehow, somewhere I seem to loose the leash;

My life goes on, but all of a sudden I stopped some day, I stood still,

All I do is look back, to all my red, blue and the grey, of my past life, the days of wonder!

I wasn’t like this when I realized my senses, not a loner, just another face in the crowd,

I let the crazy diamond shine on me, but I could never learn to fly off my dreams;

My dreams haunt me even today, I am scared shit of it, but still I clung to it,

My unreal, the sweetness in it, the submission in it, yet a win, and a puff of life!

How I thought, time was the best healer, I was mislead by my memories, the ghost in it,

The clover rises every fall, but I die thousands of death, hundreds of lives;

I thought I would burn out the fire in me, my dreams would one day die like I did,

But the coincidences seemed too real, the ego seemed to strong, life seemed too dilute!

If life is dream, and death is the awakening, I would prefer, the latter,

I wouldn’t possibly live this dream, till the end… for its not real, it’s a cloud in the sky;

If my wishes were to be followed, I would choose, your voice in the distant horizon

And lie there till I breathe my last breath, in the eternity of all my emotions, subdued, exaggerated….!!!!

what if i say i am a confused person,   will u make me clear?

what if i say i am an oxymoron, will u remove my mask?  

what if i say i never found the one i searched for, will u hand her to me?     

what if  say i love the night, will u bring in the darkest clouds?

what if i say i find happiness in sorrow, will u give me sadness?

what if i say i lived a piece of my life, will u befriend me?

what if …. what if….

what if i stop saying someday, will u bury me alive?

“The torn pages… of a diary make me the feel the way to neverland… the land of angelic love, no hearts broken, no tears shed, no emotions subdued. That beam to happiness that you would come to me and embrace me, with all the warmth in you. And I would lose my soul in that queen of all emotions. The king who had accepted his defeat.”

 Every breath I take, I smell new life, closer, more closer, that would make you twitch in warmth of it. The whirlwind that love can create is immense. It can flow through my heart, upturning every reason, every rational emotion of mine. The dusts of haziness would sink my consciousness in a quicksand of time. Time? Time would stand still. Every move I make, I smell the fragrance of cosmic happiness. The happiness that leads up to a space in time that, I would never find a way out of it. It always gave me a reason. A reason to love you more…

                                                            ********

“Remember when I first met you? I really don’t remember, but the torn page does. Seems like it’s been ages that we didn’t sand walk, down the soft sands of memory. Our footsteps had been washes away.”

                                                            ******** 

The black of your eyes, as I look deep in you, I put my faith in those blacks. And suddenly I am lost, but that black doesn’t look sad. As if its wrap around the pains of time. I feel the black as the invisibility cloak that hides me from all my insecurities. And suddenly the black would burst into the flames of spring. I roam mid ocean, the cosmic feelings. And slowly it zooms in; the black gradually turns into grey. Grey to white. The peace in your eyes. The eternal spring. The spring that would never have its fall. It always gave me a reason. A reason to love you more… a reason to start over new.

                                                            *********

“Remember when I first kissed you? You really didn’t have a clue how the world turned upside down. I hardly remember, but the torn page does. Seems like ages that romancing of the moon has been over, in that cold wintry night, pampered by love. “

                                                            *********

The red of your lips showed me the twilight to my dreams. That yes, a day has ended. Its time to turn my back to reality. The red is fading. But there’s always the space to run my imaginations high and dry. A rose, is all I see, I miss the thorn in it. The wetness in the petals of it. The freshness in every subtle breath it takes. I could almost feel the whisperings of the rose. And I give the rose a love bite, and it curls up its petals deep down as if moving away from me. But yet it opens up, and shows the radiance that it hid from the world all these days. The bloom. The rise of love. The loss in love and finding love once more, although it has every thorn in it. It always gives me a reason. A reason to love you more… a reason to reincarnate.

                                                            **********

“Remember when you told me “every rose has thorn”, I denied looking into the pains. I can’t remember them but the torn page does. It seems ages that we looked into eyes. That shine of that crazy diamond isn’t there.”

                                                            **********

The black of your hairs, makes me see the dark monsoon clouds hanging precariously over the sad sky. But I see the sliver lining of the darkness. The silver that’s streaking across the cracks of the grey clouds. I see at as a stint of sunshine, and as I bask of that little sunshine streak, I see that the sunshine’s turned into love. A love bath in your arms. As I bury my face in the waters of that sunshine, I feel the beads of pearls shed from your eyes, turn into dewdrops, at the edge of the green grass. I wonder why I went in search for a neverland far away, when it’s just a happiness far. I stayed there, stood still, for the fear of losing that sunshine that imbibed life in me. . It always gives me a reason. A reason to love you more… so that I find happiness in bliss.

                                                            ***********

“Remember when I saw you, in a new life, you told me to forget the past. I laughed at you. Sarcasm is one the best services that I offer. I laughed at you because you never knew what love is? Because you never understood pains of happiness in love. Because you hardly tread into the hard path of love. I laughed at you because you never knew how reality differed from illusions.”

                                                            **********

“I always told you I loved to move on in life. I don’t turn life back to look back. Oh!! How I lied you. I laugh at you because you believed in this age old trick.”

A 1000 miles from my sunshine days,

Pithed against the angel’s wrath;

My fading childhood’s calling me,

Where am i…?

A 1000 miles from my sunshine days,

Perched up in heaven’s door;

My future’s drifting away from me,

Where am i…?

A 1000 miles from my sunshine days,

Painted shades of grey and black;

My red, blue and purple have turned into ashes,

Where am i…?

A 1000 miles from my sunfilled days,

I still look back hoping…

The dark clouds would move back..

The yelow dreams would turn pink,

I would again find the shoulders to lean on…

To cry on…

Someday somewhere i would see the rainbow of hopes;

I still look back, a 1000 miles away…!

Thats all i can do…

;

;

I am here!!

Today:

Its hardly 4 in the morning. A lonely crescent moon shining like crazy.

A man and wife, raises the shutters of their small tea stall, a small corner of the unending pune highway. An obscure halogen bulb hides the tiredness of all the sunrises left behind. They have a ten year old kid, terminally ill.

They have One dream. Someday their son will have strong enough, to assist them to their second childhood.

Tomorrow:

They live each day. They live their dream.

And ever after:

They will soon be forgotten. I will never know the end of this dream.

[This piece of blog is my own way of a tribute to all those who believe in god's existence, and also to those who are non-believers]

What is GOD? What do we mean by god? An imaginary krishna or the allah, or buddha? A power which been made invincible by our forefathers and their fathers? A power which has weakened us from the roots, a power which has robbed us of our belief of infinte potential we possess. The idea has been spoon fed incessantly into ur moulding minds from the day we were born, that there is a power in the sky up there… who watches us constantly, HE who is the architect of this universe.

I still have some distant memories of this blind passion, and my childhood. A very common question for my mom was ” So what did you ask from HIM today?” and like an obidient boy i used to answer ” shatbuddhi, shatshahosh aar monerjor” (a good mind, courage and will power).

Now, the question is…why did i ask for all these things?

I was hardly 10 yrs of age at that point of time.. i neither had the mental maturity to understand god…nor the brains to understand what actually these things mean.

The answer is in front of your eyes. I was taught to ask these things. Now the reason is: I am just a face in the crowd. Scores of children like me got the same spoon feeding.

We have been so influenced by the presence of this invincible power that we have started using it as a crutch. the concept of GOD has made us disabled in this walk of life.

My first contradiction of the concept of GOD is

1. GOD is relative. When you take electric bulb to a very distant village in somalia(say) where technology is something unheard of… the very wide reach of science has never even dared to trod into the forbidden land, the people term it as a supernatural power, uncanny, god or the devil. or something very close!! There are somethings which science hasnt been able to prove till date, Now every one of us who are enlightend by the light of civilisation and technology can idenify between uncanny supernatuality and an electric bulb. My next question arises in the same respect. In our hindu scriptures and epics we have seen innumerable tales of supernatural powers being possessed by sages. But strangely for reasons unknown to me.. this innumerable istances of the display of supernaturality has decreased tenfolds in the 21st century. With the scientific proliferations holding the hands of technology. Every attempt of supernaturality has been proven wrong by science. Sealed into its coffin even before confusion rose. As in childhood tales i have been been fed some very strange tales of enlightened saints walking effortlessly in midocean. There has been absolutely no documented proof of any such activities atleast till now.

2. GOD is definately not the supreme architect of he universe For people who has the blind faith in the infinite power called god his strongest arguement can be the watchmaker arguement:

“In crossing a heath, suppose I pitched my foot against a stone, and were asked how the stone came to be there; I might possibly answer, that, for anything I knew to the contrary, it had lain there forever: nor would it perhaps be very easy to show the absurdity of this answer. But suppose I had found a watch upon the ground, and it should be inquired how the watch happened to be in that place; I should hardly think of the answer I had before given, that for anything I knew, the watch might have always been there”

The counter arguement here is that suppose you take in to the fact that there exists a watchmaker for this watch in the middle of nowwhere. Further down if i pich my foot on a shoe, in accordance with my prevoius answer there must be a shoemaker? Therefore, according to the analogy, created life must have a lifemaker, the sun a sunmaker and snowflakes a snowmaker. This implies that there are several creators in the world, responsible for all kinds of creation. Now if there was a shoemaker and the watchmaker there must have been their respective fathers. i.e, GOD has a father. This leads us a complex series of of the root of god’s existence.

The contradiction goes a step further to state that, since the watch is a complex structure, a true watchmaker has foresight: he designs his cogs and springs, and plans their interconnections, with a future purpose in his mind’s eye. Natural selection, the blind, unconscious, automatic process which Darwin discovered, and which we now know is the explanation for the existence and apparently purposeful form of all life, has no purpose in mind. It has no mind and no mind’s eye. It does not plan for the future. It has no vision, no foresight, no sight at all. If it can be said to play the role of watchmaker in nature, it is the blind watchmaker. Natural selection is the blind watchmaker.

3. What do you believe in GOD? I asked my 18yr old cousin brother this question. His reply was prompt. ” I believe that god does everything you see around you, everything that you do, without HIM, we cant even do our everyday chores.” I was a bit shaken by the promptness and the confidence in his answer. I reconfirmed his reply.. “so you mean to say that if god wasn’t there we cant even perform our daily activities…” He reconfirmed my shock by saying “yes indeed it is god who gives us the power, the divine bestows upon us the fire within” Such is the level of passion, behind godliness of the belief, such strong has the roots gone, its a point of no return. You wouldnt dare to touch the concept, leave aside the change, the metamorphosis of my cousin’s and many others’ belief.

The basic problem lies elsewhere. We the common man mix religion and spirituality to such extent that in the process we lose track of our own abilities. Its this mixture of two very radically different things that has evolved to such a devil of a belief. I hear people saying, GOD is everywhere, god is the power within us. We pray for our loved ones who are sick, we pray for our friends, we pray for ourselves… sometimes miracles happen, sometimes (say) the prayers are answered, and we say that GOD has listened to our cries… HE is there. HE is the “aantaryami”. But yes times do come when our prayers go unanswered. what do we say then? Its fate; or its the result of your previous birth’s karma. This series of blind belief is endless. My cousin( as a miniscule example) with such blind and super confident belief about the Infinite Power will pass on this wrong message to his future generations, and the monolgue will continue henceforth. We claim that we are rational beings. But is this a sign of rationality? We are not thinking with our brains, what we are doing is we believe what our forefather’s taught us. We straight out refuse to re- think matters, with the science we have, but our forefathers lacked. Are we being any different from a tribal in a distant village of somalia who has seen an electric bulb for the first time in his life…?

Sleep: Sorry, I was late, its time you left…Light!

Light: How can I? Can’t you see that the boy is so sad… he needs me. It’s only me that can keep sorrows of darkness away from this little mind.

Sleep: But he needs me too… to forget all this…and I cannot tread, into the place in your presence, its not possible.

Light: Please, for god’s sake! Let me stay… he’s so sad; he can’t even look at my eyes. He fears the darkness; it will engulf him, if I step away.

Sleep: I wish we could both have stayed… together, but you know we can’t! You have to leave… so that I can embrace this innocent tired mind.

Light: But…!!!

Sleep: He needs me more than you now. I am there in his eyes; he’s already feeling my presence. But if you still insist… I will leave.

Light: No!! Wait. If that’s his wish, I will move away, I won’t look at him.

Sleep: Yes, he needs it; he wants to come to me, and he needs me.

Light: But try to do this favor for me, protect him from the wrath of darkness…don’t let the dark engulf him, drown him to eternal grief.


Sleep: But, if you leave him, darkness is inevitable!! How can I resist him, I am powerless against this dark lord. With me come the unconscious and the darkness, hand in hand. Only you have that power to wipe HIM out.

Light: I know! But at this point of time he needs your touch more than mine.

** [Light is in deep thought] **

Light: Voila!! I guess I know the exact person who can do it, wait, I will tell you. There is definitely a way out.

Sleep: *scorns* who is that special person, Light?

Light: Let there be LOVE. He needs love. He doesn’t need me! Let LOVE take my place. Darkness is a mere shadow of his sorrow, when love is protecting him. Sleep my boy, sleep!!

The personification:

Sleep: your subconscious mind/ heart.
Light: your conscious mind/brain.
Boy: your soul/inner self.
Dark Lord: your negative mind.
Love: your desires/need.

Moral: Look beyond the obvious. Realize what you really need, instead of patching up life’s desires. There is always something… that doesn’t glitter, but can create wonders for you, even if its the hard wayround, even if its the thorn in a rose, the bliss in death or the thins amidst the thick.

the dream peddler